Have you actually come to a point in life where people are actually forcing you to change?

I am kinda feeling low. I am sick of people asking me to change for them. I just want to change for myself. Actually, I just want to break free. I am sick of all these just coming towards me. I need a quick getaway, alone. I just want to be alone.

I feel vulnerable right now.

I was talking to Lily just now. I realised that because of people, I have become from a soft hearted girl to one who's heart is as hard as a rock. I don't cry easily. I don't fall easily. I don't admit defeat. But with all that said, I am starting to ponder whether this is actually what I want. I used to be a cry baby. But being a cry baby isn't a bad thing after all because I tend to be sympathetic with situations & people. Right now, I am not. However I felt a year ago is now coming back to haunt me. I hate being depressed. I hate being so messed up.

..................................

& Now, I feel like I have to impress people. Impress people by being graceful, being polite, being... a lady. I am not graceful. I am messed up. I am not pretty. I am just me. I have nothing that completes the word 'WOMAN'. I am sorry to burst your bubble but this is how I am. I am nothing but just me.

I feel so fucking 'emo' right now, ugh. It's been a very long time since I've been feeling this way. A year, to be exact. *Sigh.


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Okay, da boleh stop jadi emo emo. -_-" Today is an emotional day for me lor. I cried a lot. Hmmm, okay bye!